You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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