It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
