Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
