The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can I color on your dick again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
