Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
