I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
