So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
