I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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