remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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