ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
3pm strippers are depressing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
