we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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