new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
