go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize