He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
