you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we made out on top of his cat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
