you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
