the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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