I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
