Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
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