At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
