I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
