i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
