Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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