everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So much Jack, so little girl.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
