I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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