its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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