i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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