why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
