Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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