Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
