I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
