is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
