we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize