We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
