my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
