like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
