It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
