No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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