so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
