theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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