Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
