I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were trust falling into bushes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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