Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
