The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
