I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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