I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize