spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
