just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize