dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
