The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
