I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Randomize
