Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
