He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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