Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
