I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
