he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
