So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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