There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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