Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
