8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
