Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
