I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
