Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
