Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
