Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
