Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
