you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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