don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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