Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
