I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
