M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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